Sona and Abhishek are married for seven years now. Their marriage has never been good. Sona caught her husband cheating on her two months after her marriage. He was having a bath and his phone was ringing, unlocked.
She heard her voice, saw their messages and was shocked beyond words. She has suffered from a severe post traumatic stress disorder since. They had a child within an year of their marriage. When Sona and Abhishek (names changed to maintain privacy)came to me for counselling, Abhishek’s stand was clear. He wanted a divorce. Sona however wanted to give it another shot because of family pressure. They have a seven year old daughter.
“She keeps checking on me all the time! Calls me at my office. Threatens to come to my workplace. She is insecure all the time and the suspicion is killing me!”
“She doesn’t work in the house, doesn’t take care of my child, she is irresponsible and high maintenance.”
Sona lashes back saying, “His workmates call him at 1.00 am! they talk for hours!! He hits me! The last time I tried making love he kicked me in my waist!! We were fighting at four o’clock in the morning.”
Their family, friends, relatives and even the elderly marriage counsellor they consulted before, all of them gave the couple same advice —— DON,T DIVORCE. STAY TOGETHER FOREVER. DO THIS FOR THE SAKE OF THE CHILD.
Many people think that divorce is ‘western culture’ and Indian marriages were supposed to last forever.
So many couples are trapped in ugly marriages. The ones who divorce have a huge emotional baggage and the anger is like a ticking time bomb with no vent. The second marriage usually fails too due to the baggage of the first one.
I have a few questions which are unanswered…
Is it fair to the child to witness screaming and psychotic behaviour daily?
Do only people from the west feel trapped and victimised? Not Us?
Does is make sense to live together with so much hatred for each other or just forgive each other and move on?
What about the kids? Kids learn the most from observing their parents. Do we teach our kids never to move out of a bad relationship? Never take a stand for yourself? Never find your happiness and stay trapped forever? and teach their kids this exact same thing?
Times have changed. The role of the man and the woman in the family has changed. The problems and the challenges faced by today’s couples have changed drastically as compared to the last generation. It is very important that the society also changes its look out towards divorced men and women and their children. Stop digging the ugly details and let the couple be. This is not a matter of gossip, its a life-changing experience. A difficult phase for everyone involved in it, the father, mother, grandparents, children everyone. Its a serious decision and needs too be respected.
It is our duty as the society to not judge the couple or discriminate the children of a divorcee couple. To accept them with love and ease the situation. We don’t now what they are going through and never will, but a kind word and little help from us will give them some hope.
Lets make this world a better place to live in.