Affairs don’t happen out of nowhere, they are cumulative and complicated. It’s very rare that a person who once loved purposely set out to hurt you in the way only an affair can. Unpicking why the affair took place in your relationship can be painful, but it can also help you forgive and move on.
Some of the reasons affairs happen are:
A need for excitement
Dissatisfaction with another area of life
Regret at not having enough life experiences
Using relationships for personal validation
Sabotage – not feeling worthy of their partner so unconsciously ruining things
Low self-esteem; if they feel less attractive than their partner they may be trying to ‘prove’ they are desirable
Revenge; if someone suspects an affair, even if its not based on any fact, they might go out and have one themselves to ‘even the score’
Repeating a childhood pattern (one of their parents had an affair)
A marriage may survive an affair, but it will take a great deal of work to move forward. The couple are most likely to be successful if this is the first indiscretion and if both of you are open to working on rebuilding the marriage.