Dysfunctional. The word makes us raise our eyebrows.
The oxford dictionary defines dysfunctional as disruption of normal social relations. Dysfunctional families are primarily made of people who don’t get along with each other. Mostly the husband and wife fights. These fights sometimes result into divorces, separations, custody fights or a very unhealthy environment to live in. The kids are mute spectators and silent sufferers. Sometimes the kids are also the victims of anger and frustration of the parents. There are times when the kids are victims of mental, physical or emotional abuse.
Sadly this is the only interpretation of the dysfunctional family among most of the people in our society. These families are shun out looked differently at and the most shocking part is that even many counsellors, psychologists and psychiatrists think that they are beyond hope. All they think is possible is that the couple should have a compromised life and reject and try to forget their dysfunctional childhood and salvage whats left over ‘for the kids’. Many of them also think that kids of dysfunctional families tend to have disturbed marriages and are abusive towards their spouse and children.
It makes me wonder that is it so beyond possible to think, for a minute, that these families have hope? That it is very much possible that a child from a dysfunctional family can turn out to be a sensible, balanced and happy human being. These kids also can have a fuller, contented and happy life? May be as much as someone from a ‘normal’ family.
Relationships are similar to light. They have a spectrum. When you think of light, you probably think of what your eyes can see. But the light to which our eyes are sensitive is just the beginning; it is a sliver of the total amount of light that surrounds us. Similar is the case with relationships. It is impossible to conclude, as a relationship that looks perfect may or may not be perfect and vice-versa. Only the people in that relationship know the truth.
So if we are not fully aware of what is and what isn’t dysfunctional, is it fair to be judgemental towards it? Have a strong opinionated mind and attitude that there is little or no hope for them? I think its unfair.
I have seen so many children and couples that have powered through very difficult circumstances and have a healthy, happy and normal life. People who have seen fights and problems in their families mature faster and are more resilient. They cultivate the never give up attitude which takes them a long way. They are emotionally stronger. Moreover all of them have a strong deep and genuine intention that “I will never treat my spouse like that and I will never give this life to my kids”. They all want to start afresh and be happy. All they need is little guidance and a direction.
Many great personalities, leaders, world famous artists, musicians, poets, businessmen and celebrities come from dysfunctional and divorced families.
There is an old English proverb , The one who wills is the one who can. I believe if there is an intention to be happy and successful and a desire to contribute towards the society, the entire universe supports you. No judgements, opinions, rejections and criticism comes in the way of a person who has true intentions to change their life. Faith, love and hope are energies inspiring billions of people each day to wake up and live their life. Each day makes them breathe with these energies. They support the entire world.
Dysfunctional is just another word in the oxford dictionary.
Its all in the mind.